Passing the torch

Sometimes God touches your heart when you least expect it. It was this very premise that I experienced on a regular old Friday morning. Now that I am two months into the day care and work routine I no longer feel like a complete novice. However, my Mom stayed with us for two weeks over Christmas so dropping Ashley off at daycare after that break was like starting over again. My routine felt awkward and unfamiliar. Prior to this much needed break I had our mornings down to a science...swift, calculated, like a waltz. I took her back for the first day on a Wednesday so by Friday we were back in the swing. When I walked into day care I noticed a cute young couple at the front desk but in my typical rush didn't pay too much attention. i.e I had forgotten the code to get in the door, dropped her rice cereal and spoons out of her bag...yes, typical! I dropped Ash off, said my hellos and caught the girls up on her morning so far. On my way out I noticed the mom from the front desk peering into the infant room crying. "Ah, first day" I said. "yes" she whimpered. I hugged her and told her it would get better. We exchanged baby's names, ages and our names, I assured her that while this was really hard, it would get better. Unsure she nodded and sniffled. We said our good byes and I headed out to the car teary myself. As "seasoned" as I felt at this point, day care still stings. That had been me just two short months ago. I was fortunate to have a mom do the same thing for me on our first day and I will never forget it. I see her on occasion and she always says hello and checks in on how I am. She is a day care warrior like me and now this new mommy has just been inducted in the mommy wars. The pain of letting go. The longing to be with your baby during the day. The internal struggle and guilt mom's feel about day care. For the first time I felt like I was passing the torch. Ashley and I had overcome one of many hurdles together and for once I was on the giving side and not the receiving side.  My heart ached for this new mommy because I knew EXACTLY how she felt and how lost she would feel that first moment she walked out the door, the first day with out her baby. I also knew she would experience great joy and relief when she would pick her little one up that afternoon. The ups and downs of motherhood are many. Day care is just one of many intense experiences I will have as a new mom but I am thankful I am over this hump. 

A dear friend of mine just had her baby today. I got to see some pictures of that brand new little bundle of perfectness. I smiled just letting the memories of that day when Ashley was born rush over me. I think of her and her husband sleeping at the hospital tonight, Daddy in the uncomfortable "daddy bed" and them watching their new baby sleep all night making sure she is breathing; marveling at her. I will think of them each moment as they step through this process and remember with joy and love at my own little mini. I feel such immense happiness for new parents now that I know what it is all about. It is an incredible journey.

Sometime God touches your heart when you least expect it. God has touched my heart through these experiences. He has reminded me to live in the moment. Relish in my daughters life because it is going by so fast. As I rocked her to sleep tonight I cried. I cried because I want to remember these moments forever as vividly as I do today. I pray she knows how deeply and tenderly her Daddy and I love her. My love and respect to all you mommy's out there fighting the fight tonight. Tomorrow we'll start the routine all over again. Hopefully with a renewed sense of pride and thankfulness. I hope I get to see my new mommy friend this week and I will check in on her so she knows she is not alone.