Death be not proud

GP in Perdido Key, FL

Enjoying wine we brought back from Italy

D-E-A-T-H. It is such a sobering word. One that echos pain, emptiness and hopelessness. This word pulls at your heart strings and makes your soul feel pale. When you hear this word, you secretly thank God its not you or your family. Death is making a cameo appearance in my life right now. It is lingering and haunting my family. My Grandpa has cancer. He had prostate cancer twice before, but now he is 80+ years old and his body is not working like it used to. This time it's Leukemia. He has exhausted all his medical options. Currently he is enrolled in a pilot program of which he has only been able to receive one treatment. His doctors love him. The nurses this he is cute and funny...He is. 

He is at a stage now where he cannot do much for himself. I can only imagine the mental anguish this brings to a man, a Marine and middle school principal. A man who's mere presence commands attention. His booming voice lingering in the room at Christmas for everyone to hear. A man who makes a mean Italian salad and loves his Chianti. A gentleman who loves his family fiercely and believes in the power and strength of the institution of a family. This man who can no longer feed himself. He sits in chair day in and day out in the hospital just breathing. I hear he occasionally mentions the Lion's game or comments on the score of the Green Bay game. He cannot hold a conversation. No one really knows what he can hear so they don't say much. This man is 1800 miles away from me. I cannot see the graveness of this situation.  I only hear it in the voices over the telephone. I am certain he would not want me there to watch this slow demise. He is too proud. 

My heart hurts for him. He is and has been on many accounts one of my very best friends. He has told me on many occasions he has lived a good life, he has no regrets.  I want to run to him. These are the times that the distance from family is extremely regrettable.  I want to scream out to God to fix him; to make it better. God has already given me everything I need from him. You see, God gave me my Grandpa when I needed a Dad, a friend, a confidant, a teacher and a leader. God gave my Grandpa words to heal my heart, mend the scars and empower me to go on. I will desperately miss my Grandpa but I know it is time to stop asking God for more. God has answered each and every time I asked and even when I didn't know what to ask for.  The lessons I have learned from him are many but the greatest of these is love. Honest, unconditional love. I will carry that with me always. Thank you Grandpa for everything. Thank you God for my Grandpa.