Life is like a trip to NYC

Life is like a trip to New York City; there is not enough time nor money to do everything you want to do. I discovered this as my husband and I began to plan a trip...Initially, I said "we are going for at least a week". We are going to dig into the city; go and do everything and anything we want. Fast forward to today, post tax filing and realizing hotel rooms are $800 a night...we are staying three nights, four days. ****. Well, in that case we revamp the plan and squeeze in just the necessities; statue of liberty, Ellis Island, 9/11 Memorial, Top of the Rock, Broadway, and then don't forget Central Park, a NYC bagel shop, food from a street vendor, I've got to see where GMA is filmed, FAO Schwartz, a cupcake shop I saw on Food Network, a late night comedian show....Ok, so, as you can see, we just cannot sleep. We'll have to power through to check all these things off our list. Impossible if we really want to enjoy savor each activity AND our time together.
This is the same way my life works. Only I'm not sure the end date of this vacation. We never have enough time or money to do all the things we want. Don't get me wrong, I have checked some amazing things off the bucket list (note to self: add watch the movie "The Bucket List" to my bucket list...) but yet the list is ever growing. I always feel like I have plenty of time and when I make more money, when Ashley is older, when this or that happens I'll do that next "thing".
I woke up late this morning, muttered a profane word to the alarm clock and my husband for not "waking me up" despite the TV blaring, bathroom light on, and my alarm clock going off...naturally it is his fault I overslept. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling..."Ashley will be 6 months old in T-minus 6 days and counting". WWWWHHHHAAATTTT?! That thought hit me like a ton of bricks....I have a 6 month old kid. Holy shit. Where the "F" did the last 6 months go?! Well, I'll tell you...giving birth, feeding, up all night, making bottles, crying fits, death of my GP, back to work, daycare, family visits....and here we are days before my B-A-B-Y is 6 months old. The mystery of it all is where did the time go? Will I wake up tomorrow and she's 6, then 16 then, then, then?! And in the midst of all of this, who am I? what am I doing? what are my husband and I doing?
I have to stop. I have to breath. If I am not careful, I'm going to wake up and be 60 and still have the same Bucket List as I have today. I have to slow it down but I have to get things done. What are my goals? What are MY DREAMS? I get anxious thinking about this because I'm not sure I have any. I feel stagnant and I hate that. In the same breath, I am content. I love my life. But I must have dreams...goals....wants...right? So much of my existence of recent has been about getting pregnant, staying pregnant, birth, and thus raising this little person. I've definitely got hopes and dreams FOR HER but how will she ever have hopes and dreams for herself if she doesn't see me actively pursuing what makes me happy? WHAM &#&*#*(#* hello gut check, nice to see you...I'm in the place I always hoped I would be; married, house, car, job & insert baby and la de da...the perfect existence.  Annnnnd yet, there is still this stirring in my soul. I need goals and dreams that are M-I-N-E. *heavy sigh*
Note to self: Add make list of goals and dreams to "to do" list right in between grocery shopping and cleaning the house.
That's how the goals and dreams disappear.
I'm going to change that this year. My only New Year's resolution was to floss daily. Pretty awesome right? *insert eye roll here* So far, I'm batting about 60% success. BUT that is 60% better than last year...ah, improvement. Seriously, I've got to stop. I've got to LIVE. I've got to learn to breath. I've got to relax.
I'll put that on my list...starting tomorrow ;) for real this time. By this time next year, if I'm batting 60% that's still 60% better than last year. Ah, improvement!