Transitions

In 6 days Ashley will turn two. She really doesn't know it. I think she just knows there is a lot of hustle and bustle around the house to get ready for her party. I'm frantic trying to get last minute details ready, last minute Etsy orders in, goody bags made and food ordered. My back aches as I rewrap water bottles with duct tape to match the theme of her party and painstakingly make each thank you note I will write afterwards. I'm in a panic because I will be out of town for three days before her party. My life is busy. The constant struggle and balance of work, family, fitting in dates with my husband, dates with my friends, play dates, grocery store trips...seriously, who needs sleep!? Sometimes I find myself thinking about how chaotic my life is. How "someday" things will slow down; secretly wishing for quiet. 

My mom is visiting her sister and her family this week. This is monumental as we all have not seen each other in several years. Ash and I have been skype'ing with them. To see their faces; hear their voices brings back a flood of good memories. The kind that warm your soul and make you smile. My aunt's son, my sweet little cousin, leaves for college in two weeks. I think about the kind of quiet his absence will bring to their house and lives. How over the last 18 years he has filled a spot in their home and hearts. I think of how chaotic life has been for them these last 18 years. How as a woman she has balanced being a stay at home mom, a working mom, two kids, family, a household and last but not least herself. 

I chatted away with my aunt about Ashley's party, showed them the goody bags and rambled about all my plans. In the quiet, still of the night; I cried. I thought about her heart. How it must be breaking to send her baby; her first born off to college. I thought about my own Mom. How her heart must have broken as I left for college and then moved 1800 miles away. I remember saying "Oh Mom, its just a plane ride away". 

You really don't know squat until you are a parent. How it feels to cut grapes in half, be puked on, 1st days of school, bullies, drama, proms, college, weddings....and saying good bye as they fly out of the nest you have so carefully built for them. Painstakingly sacrificed for them. Wore your heart on your sleeve for them. They go. I wondered if she wished for her baby to be two again and plan his birthday party. I wonder if she will tell me someday how "fast" it all goes by. I closed my eyes in the quiet of the night; the peace knowing Ashley is right down the hall, and I cried. 

Time really does go by so fast. Too fast. Life is busy and chaotic. For now, I'm going to enjoy the noise and the busy, because I know all too soon I will have quiet. I will long for these days of being a young mom back. I will wish for these precious moments when my beautiful little girl tells me "Oh Mom, it's only a plane ride away".