To my sweet second child

To my sweet second born,
Life is different for you. You are not our "first" for many things when it comes to parenting. Your Dad and I left the hospital a day earlier than we did with your sister. We were confident and certain this time. I haven't cried during this maternity leave with the worry about day care. The first day of drop is inevitable and I guess I'll be ready. My heart will ache but I feel you and I are tougher already. You take naps with the TV blaring Mickey Mouse club and your sister screaming about something. You get rushed through your bath so I can get your sister to bed. Your feedings are hurried because something else needs to be tended to. You've been taken to Target, Publix, church and held by anyone who wants to hold you and you are only 8 weeks old. There won't be 1,000,362 pictures of just you. My sweet little second....you spend more time in the bouncy seat and the baby swing than you sister ever did. Even my time with you on maternity leave is shorter.
You and I didn't have the best start. My pregnancy was difficult. I spent two spells in the hospital due to dehydration and sickness. I took a leave of absence from work. I cried on the cold bathroom floor praying to God to make the sickness stop. I quietly cried in bed because I couldn't help with the house, dinner or spend time with your sister. When you were born it was quick and uneventful. Thank God. I sent your Dad home to be there for your sister when she woke up. You and I slept alone in the hospital.
Every thing is faster in your life. As you sit there wide eyed in your bouncy seat I am in awe of you. You take it all in stride. That's all you know I guess. You watch Ashley and smile...my heart melts. You stare up at me with all the confidence in the world...and my heart aches a little for you. You sweet, patient baby. This is your station in life, your birth order.
This quiet Sunday morning as your Dad and Ashley are off at Church...you sleep quietly in your swing content until your next feeding. I've put you on a schedule now to get you sleeping through the night. A sign the time is coming that we will be apart during our days. I've been more ambitious while we've been together; cleaning out cabinets, closets, and my head. Trying to find myself, my new self. The past months have been mentally grueling for me. I like to do everything, stay organized, be social and have been forced to put all my "self imposed musts" aside and sleep or rest or throw up. I'm not just a working wife any more, I'm not just a working mother of one who seemingly has everything balanced....I am a mom of two. Wow...that just sounds like a lot.
My little partner and my last born. You are the finale to pregnancy in my life. You will always be my baby. Ashley will rein as the only daughter and first born. But you, you complete us. As your sister has taught us so much...there is so much more to learn. I see that now.
During these last days we have together in sweatpants taking naps....I will hold you and be so thankful for everything at you are; everything you will be. Welcome to the Irwin circle; it won't always be easy but know that every step we will take will be together.
I love you sweet boy,
Your tearful Mommy

PS...for what it's worth, I am the oldest...big sisters can be a real pain. All I can say about that is good luck. You guys are stuck with each other....but I hope that's a gift your Dad and I have given to you both.

A whole lot'a shaking going on!

So, some of you that read this have been down this road before. Some of you might be considering taking the plunge. What I am referring to is a second child. We really thought we had it all figured out. We had a great first kid and thought one good turn deserves another...and so we opted to try again to get pregnant. It all worked out and after a very difficult pregnancy, our little Jake was born. NO ONE could have prepared us for this transition. I had heard it was hard but surely that was just "them". We could do it different and it wouldn't be so hard. HA. HA. HA. Although not so funny. This has been harder on so many levels...mostly humbling. Very humbling.
For starters....toddlers waiting at home for the new baby are like ticking time bombs. God should have placed a warning label on their foreheads when your bring your tiny bundle home. Our daughter, the apple of our eye, our world, our precious little pea....turned into a gremlin. No joke. A tantrum throwing, whiney, needy gremlin. Her little world was turned upside down and our parenting skills were getting a good thorough kick in the nuts. Everything we thought was right was suddenly not working and wrong. Awesome.
Secondly...sleep. I need it. Even a little bit of it. At night, when the baby cries, the toddler cries. Just when I think I will snuggle in for a little nap or a stretch of sleep...someone wakes up. WHY? WHY GOD WHY? I dream of renting a hotel room and just sleeping. My word has the bar been lowered for "dreams"!
Third...time. I have none. I mean for me that is. With one child there is a finish line. Nap time or bed time you know that time is now yours. Not any more. The other night, the baby was asleep, the toddler was off to bed...she inquired what I would be doing once she went to bed (like it's something exciting) I told her I would be showering and going to bed (lie). I stole away to my bathroom, shut the door with my phone and a piece of dark chocolate and played words with friends...GLORIOUS.
Finding a new normal:
A trip to the mall today quickly reminded me how out of mainstream I have become. After 9 months of maternity wear (which I will be burning very soon - buh bye!!!!!) and current sweatpants and t-shirt wardrobe...I have NO idea what is "in" right now. Let me just say I was very out of touch while underwear shopping today...it's been a while...and it was humbling. I am clearly getting old. Is it too much to ask for just cotton?! Enough about that... my point is, I am a new person. We are a new family and this is our new normal. The little gremlin is getting better. She's learning to share Mommy and taking turns. My husband and I are a stronger team. This is survival man and a good team mate and partner is crucial. This is a season of my life I will never forget and possibly long for when the kids are grown...ok maybe not this particular stage but you know what I mean.
It's quite hilarious how much I thought I knew vs. reality. My body is different. My mind is different (well, mostly gone). My heart is different. In the quiet moments of the late nights while I watch my precious baby, I'm amazed. With all the chaos, the pregnancy sickness, the tantrums, he is perfect. I glance around at the baby swing, the stuffed animals left after a session of "school", burp cloths and crayons and realize these moments are precious and perfect. Our little family of three has become a complete family of four and that couldn't be more precious and perfect.