It's that time again

It wasn't until I had a few quiet seconds alone in my bathroom that the tears came. I've been tearing up on and off for a couple of days but this was the "real" cry. It's time for me to go back to work tomorrow. I can't even believe it. There have been good days and bad days. Great moments and moments I've struggled like never before. Two kids is no joke. There have been so many changes, "new normals" and new  responsibilities.  At times I found myself longing for the familiarity of work and the schedule my life had. Now, I want to turn back the clock. I want to go back and have one more day, one more week alone with this precious boy. Jake is sleeping now making his adorable little baby noises. It's amazing how much I will miss ... lost thought, had to take an Ashley break because she needs an additional blanket and still not asleep. Decided to cry her heart out for this beloved blanket that is at the bottom of a drawer that I am certain she has never used ... and this is my life. *sigh* 
For as many times I have said "yep, I'm ready to go back to work" the pit in my stomach says I'll never, ever be "ready". I know I will get used to this new schedule. I know he will adjust.  I have been running around getting my purse packed, moving all my stuff from the diaper bag to the purse I have not touched since going to the hospital. I've got my snacks and lunch packed. I spent time agonizing over what outfit to wear. Feels like the first day of school; butterflies and all. 
I know I've done this before but I am certain it never gets easier. I won't know exactly what he does all day. I won't be the one to scoop him up after his nap feeling his sweaty little baby head. I won't however miss the poop. I will never miss the poop... or for that matter not moving fast enough for this little man and getting pee'ed on. Yeeeeeah...little boys. 
It will be surreal tomorrow as I sit at my desk...my mind rusty; but clear. I will miss my little boy; this precious little mini mister that God has blessed us with. As always time marches on; no regard for a mama's longing for it to slow down. Wish me luck tomorrow...wish us both luck tomorrow this is just the beginning of new things for him.