2015 A New Begining

The light of the full moon is pouring in our family room window. I'm feeding little Jakey and my mind wanders...I read a blog tonight about a girl, presumably my age with two kids similar in age to mine. She was diagnosed with cancer at the end of December.  I tried to imagine the range of emotions. The terror, the anger and the sadness. I stare down at Jake and listen to his little baby noises. What a blessing he is to our family. I wonder how he would ever know how tenderly I hold him or rub his little feet. Who would ever tell him how absolutely precious these late night feedings are? While everyone else is tucked in bed and the craziness of the day is over...it's just us. If I had cancer. If that girl was me. What if I didn't make it through? Maybe I'm exhausted or maybe it's my hormones...but maybe this is one of those moments of clarity of pure emotion; heart spilling with love that I am often too busy to really feel. 
What a difference a year makes. January 2014 I was sick with hyperemesis and pregnant. Feeling at my absolute worst. EVER. Just cringing at the idea that I had 7 more months to go.  2014 was a year filled with emotion and struggle. My pregnancy was hard. A new baby and a toddler was/is hard. Going back to work with two kids in two different day cares was/is hard. Out of all that we got precious little Jake who is, as I call him "the best baby ever". His personality is chill and easy. He sleeps great. He eats like a horse. He just rolls with whatever we do.  Ashley has matured leaps and bounds. This was the year of a "big girl bed", her first stay at a ho-in-tel (Hotel), new class room, new teacher and a new life with a baby brother. These are the years some mom's have dubbed "the trenches"...and they are right. My husband and I are stretched thin. This was also a year of some new found friendships in these "trenches" and the comfort of old friends in the same situation. The raw honesty of a friend can dry tears and heal hearts. 
As I tuck Jakey in, my heart swells. What a year...what a crazy, glorious, struggle of a year. But here we are on the cusp of a new beginning...we will all turn another year older, the kids will change so much, we will ebb and flow as parents and husband and wife. I pray for a renewed sense of strength. A healthier way of living...aka shedding some pounds. I hope for growth. I want for joy, fun and laughter to fill our walls. 
I can't think about the what if's in life. The blog said it perfectly...this girl was just going along in life, trying losing weight, raising her kids, doing what all of us do. I guess that is the only way. Faith. Trust in God.  I hope I am living this life the best I can and if not, that I make the choice to do something about it. Here's to 2015 and all the hope, joy, faith and health we could wish for. Cheers!