Last night we went to bible study...something we did BA (Before Ashley). A very different experience than I remember. We brought the little A with us who slept through about 30-40 minutes. Let me preface this with this bible study is with a new group. And let me just add, for the first time in my life I felt socially inept. My mind was 100% on my little one sleeping in the other room. I guess I am also feeling out of practice with "making conversation". Ashley doesn't really talk back....yet ;) Anyhow, once she started fussing I bounced her around a bit behind the scenes and then attempted to feed her. Note the word "attempt". My diaper bag could sustain life for a family of 4 through a hurricane....but I had only packed 2 - 4oz travel bottles. 4oz per feeding that's what she eats. As I am sitting alone in the other room, listening to the bible study progress, I start feeding my screaming little one. Frazzled myself, I screw the cap on and begin to feed her. One suck on the nipple and the entire 2oz bottle gushes all over Ashley and I....seriously?! ****!!!! I had put her in a super cute outfit to go too!!! Luckily she did not cry any harder. I scooped her up and cleaned her up, changed her clothes and proceeded to feed her the other 2oz soaking wet with formula and stinky.
Alone in the other room. I am not good at this yet. I am not used to this life yet. My eyes lined with tears glance down on Ashley and I smile. She is perfect. She doesn't know I stink or that I feel like running for the hills. She doesn't know I feel inept tonight. She just knows I have met her needs and hopefully in that little mind that I love her more than she will ever know. John patiently gets up after all this fun is over and exits graciously from bible study. He, who has been in main stream society, kindly asks me if I need anything and makes small talk with me in the car. He loves us, stinky and all. Bless his heart.
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