Dirty Feet and a Peaceful Heart

I'm getting ready to take a quick trip to see a cousin I have not seen in about 15 years. He was 6ish and I was 20ish the last time we saw each other. A lot has changed since then....he's now 20 and well, I guess that makes me 35.  While telling my aunt a story about my work tonight she mentioned that would be a great story to tell this young cousin of mine and his darling girlfriend. Twenty somethings, dreamy and starry eyed about their future. They will graduate from a top notch university and be kicked out into the world all too fast. I spent sometime tonight thinking about what I should tell them, what do they want to know, will they even care? am I "too old" to offer advice? 

I was quickly jolted out of my dreamy "what would I tell the 20 year old me" as I pulled into daycare number one and rushed into get the mini mister. Ten minutes before daycare number two closes so we had to hustle. Jake is thrilled to see me and runs to me smiling ready to go. His hands are blue and he has blue paint on his face...no doubt a sign of a well lived day at school. We scurry out...he wants to walk...we have to hurry....no time for his pace today. After we alligator wrestle into his car seat we fly to Ashley's school just in the nick of time before she the last kid standing at 6:00pm when school closes. We sing songs the whole way home to keep Jake from crying. ABC's, Twinkle, Twinkle, Jingle Bells, Frosty, etc.... It's dark out tonight; a product of day light savings. Makes me feel like we are getting home at 9pm. I am single-momming it again tonight. I've put in a full day at work. I manage an office of 12 women. My day consisted of meetings, a counseling session, end of month reporting, lots of laughs, and some tears. Yep. That's just the day time. Now it's just me and the mini's as my husband attends night classes to finish up an unfinished Bachelors Degree. I whip out a frozen bag meal and cringe...shake off the guilt as I look at the ticking clock. 6:15pm better hurry, they are hungry and tired. Change clothes, I think I went to the bathroom, "Jake get out of dog food bowls!" "Ashley! where are you??" Unpack a lunch box only to refill with a lunchable, fruit and milk...best I can do tonight. The phone dings - husband wants to face time on a break. As we scarf down our dinner care of birds eye frozen meals; the kids squeal as their Daddy appears. Quick; gotta run, it's time for bath. We keep moving like one swift freight train. For a few moments the kids play in the bath dumping water on their heads and giggling. Dry off, jammies on, a few books....Jake's headed to bed. *SIGH* Good night my little love. Ashley's time....We build our "thankful tree" tonight out of old shopping bags and tape it carefully to our bay window. Tonight she is thankful for her friend Emma. She carefully asks me what I am most thankful for "our whole family?" she inquires. I nod..."well then write that" she encourages in her wee little voice. We tape our first leaf up....OK kid, your turn. After a little tantrum she turns in and she is off to sleep. Ahhhhh, the house falls silent. 

All evening I think about my season of life. At every little turn tonight I smile and snicker. Smile because this is such a cool time in my life. I snicker because this is nothing like what I expected. I'm 15 years into my post - awesome - college life. I've been working a "real" job for 15 years. I'm on my third adult job. I've been married for 13 years, apartments, first home, second home, new car, used car, VAN! wait what???? when did that end up in my garage? Kids, flat shoes, grannie panties, old college pajama pants coming a part at the seams and crows feet.....that's my life today. All the things I said I would never do when I was an adult, when I was married, when I had kids, when I had my own house....OUT THE WINDOW. I read 1/2 of a book and am certain I will finish it later. I have shit stuffed in drawers I totttttally intend to clean out. My towels are all folded different ways. While cleaning the dished I could not figure out what stunk; the sponge. GROSS. Toss it back in the sink and move on. My feet are covered in God knows what from the floor....in addition to a cinderella sticker I somehow picked up. 

I never anticipated being where I am in my career. I never agreed or decided to manage people. In fact, if you asked me, I would tell you I don't like it. The truth is, I am secretly thankful for this job, this responsibility. It's a hard job, if you do it right. The tears, the tough conversations, the firings, corporate crap....but God gave me each person I manage. Every time I get a new one; I wonder if they are here for me or for them. Every time, a lesson is learned. 

I never really planned on being a mom. I had no idea what I was doing with my life. I got a job, then a better one, then a better one. In between I got married. Life was good, tough, tougher, good, BABY ONE, tough, good, BABY TWO, HOLY SHIT, good....and here we are. As I sit here with dirty feet, two sleeping babies, a dog that is probably peeing on my rug (I chose to write instead of take her out), I would simply tell them to enjoy this season of their lives. Don't rush. Don't worry.  These college days are not the best days of your life...they are simply a season of your life. Don't miss this getting to your adult life. Life is hard. The older I get the harder it seems to get for so many reasons. There are moments of great, moments of crap, and moments that just are. I rushed my whole life to grow up...now that I'm here, I desperately try to slow down the clock. The babies grow, birthday fly by, holidays come and go....I realize now how fast life really goes. My Grandpa told me when I graduated high school "your life will go so fast now"...I laughed thinking that's what old people say. He was so right. I have a feeling when I offer something to these two adorable 20 somethings I will say "your life will go so fast now..." they will laugh and think...That's what old people say....